Unsure Daisies

Michigan, you are not one thing or the other! Piled under moving mist and three blankets there is a sense of de-cocooning when I throw back night to enter dawn. Cold air rushes in, to which I ask: what month is this?!

Cawing in the distance and closer, bluejay screeches. Morning is not gentle today but it is here and I am gladdened. A sweatshirt, socks and not coffee.

Hansel and Gretel a new way! A nuance I missed before turns the story around and all of a sudden, I'm super interested.

Kyle names his prized plant “Hector” and so now we lovingly joke about this 5th member to our family. Hector receives specific attention and lavish joy and one wonders if that is what celibacy looks like in a sexy world. I watch Bun-Bun move about the yard, nibbling clover, investigating the garden fence, dozing in broad daylight and I wonder too if that is what celibacy looks like for me. But one of us grows older and the other younger and it's not up to me to decide which is which.

He asks if I am worried about bears to which I say, “maybe, but I can't wait to find out.”

One Christmas, I gave Dad two tickets to the Gilmore Car Museum with a note speaking of my gratitude for our shared interest in old cars. When reading the card aloud he says, “Oh! This is great! So-and-so would love this; I'll ask him.” Attempts to be vulnerable can have a price. Christmas morning is sometimes crying in the bathroom.

But next week is Dad's birthday and when I asked him if he had any fun plans, he said, “Yes...a trip to Gilmore's car museum....with a daughter to share the dreams...it's my whole birthday list this year.”

It feels strange to hear it, like a foreign tongue trying to say something you know is important. You lean towards the speaker and look closely into their eyes to try to grasp what it is they want to convey. It has a soft tone and it involves you, but you just...can't...make...it out.

Unsure daisies lean away from the picket fence and sun licks dew from reaching grass. Today is the only day and today is this. Let there be peace, and let it begin with me.