Abeyance

A Tom Petty tune plays over a mostly empty McDonald's on a Sunday night. The road is a good place to think because the world passes by like movie scenes, as if to say, hey, you can look here if you want but it's already past. Everything is spiritual but my practice has become too thin. I am grateful to all who have shown me this lately. I make a decision to clarify my path; too much is at stake if I do not.

A wolf is dead on the road in a very busy area of the city. They are not normally this far south. Reading Aldo Leopold and Terry Tempest Williams leads me to believe I should revisit Thoreau with more vigor and intent. It is possible that the love affair of my life is more with landscape and nature than any one human. To do it all again, I do not know if anyone would partner with or join me, but the cabin would be small and the scenery would be grand.

Tarot, cannabis, and life's roiling poetry. I have exhausted myself refusing to face what is too hard or too murky. Time's up. Today's lilac dawn looks like spring despite freezing temperatures. I hear a bird song new to me, so naturally I make a blood oath to the path which brought her here.

He said “abeyance” in a way that told me it wasn't about separation or leaving, but in actuality, about finally coming together the way in which Christ calls us. It is time to stop investing in that which does not matter. The mask of altruism must fall away from my deep and abiding selfishness and fear.

I woke up this morning at the feet of Christ, clothed, and in my right mind. (Luke 8:35) The Morning Star poured down purple light and suggested that perhaps one need not project oneself out of Heaven any longer.

Defer – remit – allow; my prayer now is guidance and healing.